After the unexpected death of his wife, Irish author C.S. Lewis wrote in A Grief Observed, "No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. The death of a beloved is an amputation."
While dealing with grief is not easy, we believe the grief support within this section of our website can help. Should you need additional support in grieving your loss, please call us at 203-426-2751. We will do everything we can to assist you.
No one is prepared for grief. The rush of feelings, thoughts, anxieties, and heartache can take us by surprise and drive us to our knees. Yet, when we choose to harness that power for self-growth, amazing things can happen. Good can come from pain.
Sigmund Freud first brought up the concept of grief work in 1917, and today the idea that bereavement is purpose-driven continues.
Dr. James Worden chose to see the work of bereavement as task-oriented:
Your current job is to focus your attention on achieving each of those goals. It will not occur in any logical order; each of us is different and the path we walk in the bereavement journey is not a straight one.
Dealing with grief is hard work. It takes both courage and hard work to successfully adapt to the loss of a significant person in your life.
Dr. Stephen Joseph identifies what he calls six signposts to facilitate post traumatic growth. He reminds readers too that "post traumatic growth does not imply the absence of emotional distress and difficulties in living. It does imply that it is possible through the struggle to come out on the other side, stronger and more philosophical about life."
Before identifying these six signposts, Dr. Joseph reminds his readers of three very important things:
Are you physically well? Are you getting enough sleep and eating the right foods for optimum health? Have you received the kind of medical, legal, or psychological help you need? What is your current condition: physically, spiritually, and emotionally?
People traumatized by loss often feel hopeless. It's hard to get up in the mourning and thinking about the future sparks pessimism and negativity. Find inspiration in the stories of personal growth written by others; set goals and practice hope as you set out to achieve them.
Learn to tell your story differently. Take the victim mentality out of the story of loss you tell yourself and others and replace it with the word survivor to return to a sense of control over your life.
Keeping a daily diary can help you to see the small changes within more easily. You can also track those moments when you feel at your best and identify the conditions that brought them about. Identify and nurture the positive changes in your life throughout your bereavement journey.
Review these changes, identifying the ones that you'd like to continue to nurture. Personal transformation requires it. Growth is encouraged when we take time to think about what we have gained from loved ones and when we find a way to use what we have learned to give to others.
Express your growth in new behaviors or, more simply, put your growth into action. When you think in terms of concrete actions, it helps make the growth experienced within your bereavement real to you.
Sources:
Freud, Sigmund. On the History of the Psycho-Analytic Movement Papers on Metapsychology and Other Works.
Worden, James. Grief Counseling & Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner
Fleming, Stephen. The Changing Face of Grief: From 'Going On to 'On-Going''
Joseph, Stephen. What Doesn't Kill Us: the New Psychology of Posttraumatic Growth
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Acceptance puts an end to denial by releasing disbelief. In doing so, you can fully include the death of a loved one into your life and find peace-of-mind.
Have you chosen to help someone who is grieving the death of a loved one? If so, this article was written for you. It offers insights and provides suggestions on how best to support them during this time.
This article takes a closer look at what's considered normal grieving compared to more complicated grief. We can look for signals to see if our grief may be going off track.